Fear and Self Limitation - Part 1 Origins

I have been working up to writing this post for a while now. It is a very important subject to me and I wanted to go into it with a wide range of sources of inspiration before I dove into a discussion about it. I have been reading personal development books, watching presentaions by renowned trainers and motivational speakers to learn about a very simple but very powerful way to change your life. But today I want to clarify my topic before I really jump into the meat of the subject.

This is not "new agey self help" instruction.

I can safely say I have read plenty of books and watched films about prayer of many kinds and manifestation of desires, That is not what I'm going to be discussing here. Your personal spirituality can fit with what I will be discussing, but that is a very separate topic, possibly for discussion in another post.

I am not a psychiatrist, or certified personal trainer.

My words here are my own, based off of several months of research and personal growth. At the end of this article, I will post several links to professionals who you can seek for assistance.

Now, onto the topic at hand...fear.

Fear: Part 1 - Origins

Don't worry, everyone has it.

Of course everyone has fear. Ranging from a healthy desire to not engage in self-endangering feats of cliff diving, to sheer terror at the sight of an insect. Some fears are rational, or are based off of personal life experience. While others are merely brought about by doubt or insecurities. This latter form of fear is what I will be discussing.

Born Fearless:

I want to start by saying that we are born without fear.

If you read about cognitive development, babies explore their world, fearlessly for months. They watch and listen, then crawl, touch and taste to learn about the world around them. They learn at an incredibly quick rate. How the world acts around you during the first few years of your life can absolutely effect your learning and shape your character. When you first let a baby grasp your finger, then she lets go and you let her grab it again, you are shaping the connections from neurons in the amygdala to the learning centers in her sensory cortex. The more you allow this child to experience, the more she grows and learns. There is no fear in this, an infant is taught boundaries. From hot stoves to climbing tall staircases, we teach our children basic rules of safety in the world around them.


So where does the fear part start?

For most of us, our self doubt can be drawn back to pre-adolescence, some behaviors learned through family trying to explain common social norms. We as a general species spend childhood testing boundaries, learning social limits and where we fit into them.

I was (and still am, admittedly) the kid in class that wanted to raise their hand first and get the answers right. It's not a desire to detract from other students, but a desire to have what I learn be validated. This, however, was not always popular. If you were, or are a kid like that, you know that not everyone finds that trait endearing and getting called names or made fun of can certainly train you out of wanting to raise that hand again.

Conversely, being shy or unsure of yourself, you may never have wanted to be called on in class, loathing the attention and possible social exclusion.

Some of our most basic beliefs about ourselves were formed at this delicate time in our lives, or even younger.

But, being a kid sucked for a lot of people, how does that limit me now?

The transition from childhood to adulthood is certainly trying for most. Only a few really fortunate people in my experience were able to glide through adolescence unscathed in some way. That said, for the majority of Americans, who were able to spend time with peers, or had people in their lives against whom they can compare themselves. We all had "influencers" for lack of a better term, both the wonderful and the detremental.

These influencers have power over us as we are developing our sense of self. This is fantastic in the case of people who encourage exploration and support creativity and individuality. Not so great in the case of people who tend to lean towards the "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality, or worse. In these cases, your natural affinity for curiosity inherent by your birth can be pushed down, hidden behind fears of social stigma.

When childhood becomes lingering fear.

I have heard a great deal about people who hold onto childhood wrongs like a blanket of honor. Clinging to "bad childhoods" as a shield against personal responsibility. If you were harmed, wronged or neglected as a child, I am sorry for that experience. It is a terrible thing to have people in your life who did not support you. There are a great many resources out in the world to help deal with those traumas. 

Is it solely childhood trauma that causes fear?

Not always. You can have a perfectly adjusted childhood and still have learned through experience that being different or sticking your neck out  is uncomfortable at best, or dangerous at worst.

When one holds on to those negative experiences, consciously or not, they form fears and impediments to our growth in our adult life. These fears keep us from learning new things, meeting new people, taking chances and exploring in our adult life.

And that, is exactly what I want to help identify and destroy!

Feel free to start a coversation in the comments below!!

Next entry: Identifying Fear and Self Limitation

Life Lessons

Today has been a long day of reflection. While I'd like to think I do deep soul-searching everyday, it isn't quite true.

Frankly, I am often so busy, I can hardly keep up with "normal" life, basic chores. While I have often read the quote "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life", I have come to the point where my priorities are skewed for lack of time. I find myself being worn thin by over-commitment and the list of things I will take care of when the mythical time presents itself gets longer.

I find myself longing for less "playing" and more living. More family and less worrying about impressing people who have no desire to share in my life. More creating and less pretending.

So, for the last few weeks, I have been delving into reading all sorts of self-improvement books. Within, l find a great deal of information that I will follow upon in several future blog posts. I feel much more prepared to really examine what I want in my life and how I can begin moving towards those ends.

My next blog entry will be on tracing the sources of fear and "self limitation", but until then, I leave You all with a phrase I thought up yesterday and doodled with Textgram... until my next post, be well and make choices that make your heart sing!

-mm

Happy Beltane and Polymer Clay Class

Happy Beltane everyone!!!

I had a wonderful day with the sun shining brightly.

I am so grateful to have spent my evening teaching another polymer clay class at The Magical Druid. 

There were three other people in attendance and we had a wonderful time, creating wearable items and statuary and just having a grand time. 

My rose quartz and polymer clay pendant. 

I had a sort of epiphany that the act of creating and being creative is a huge act of trust. Being able to be vulnerable to the criticisms of others while you are trying to make something inside your mind come to life is crucial to continuing to experiment and grow as a human. 

Thankfully, tonight I was surrounded by joyful and creative souls, willing to be vulnerable too 

It was indeed, a Blessed night! And I hope you had one as well!

Random Post-Easter Post

Hello all!! I have been enjoying the world now that the sun has begun to shine again. 

(In case you forgot what that was.)

When spring comes, I'm usually really active with tons of small projects. Like this awesome-quick purple and quartz crystal bracelet.  

Or any one of the many quick sketches that happen when I need some art in my day!

Whatever you're encouraged to create or inspired to try, take advantage of whatever moves you and DO IT!!!

Even when you make mistakes, you learn!

Much love!

~MythicalMagpie

Work in Progress Doily

So it's been a while, but I'm posting my current project. 

Another name doily is on it's way as I am pausing only to catch up on reading and blogging and I'm just thrilled to be back in the crafting spirit!

Back in the Stitching Post!

So it's admittedly been a few rough months at the Magpie Nest. But, just as winter needs to be knocked off your boots, sometimes, sadness does as well. 

So I logged back into www.craftster.org and decided to sign up in a fairly low commitment swap. There's a fabulous artist called Junker Jane who makes these amazing at dolls. I was really interested in giving it a try, so I joined the swap for Junker Jane inspired dolls. 

It was certainly a challenge, because folk spend a lot of time working towards"perfection" in their art and this was definitely thinking outside the box! But without much more ado, I give you my Junker Jane inspired dolls!

 My swap partner loved birds, so I made her a primitive goose as an extra!

My first attempt at a JJ doll. 

Doll #2 - From a loose sketch I did 

And the whole gang!

I actually had a really great time just letting loose and being creative!!

I encourage everyone to try something new and shake off the winter dust!

Much love!

~Magpie

Tragedy and Mental Illness: From Fear to Understanding

I had been staying away from the school shooting conversation. It's too much...too tragic...too many emotions to try to muddle through to argue.


But yesterday, I heard sensible people, normally very compassionate and understanding, say terribly insensitive things in response to the tragedy. The discussion was about the mentally ill and even though "they were terrible, they should throw people like him into old fashioned asylums."

Now I know people are looking to place blame. Moreover, I think they are wanting to see someone suffer to bring some kind balance their idea of justice. But I want to talk about mental illness and why situations like these are extremely dangerous to the mental illness community.

When we as a society look at such tragedy, we want a reason, an explanation that is easy to understand. We want something that we can fix so that there is a sense that this type of sadness can be prevented. But when I read the multitude of articles written about closer scrutiny on persons living with mental illness it clearly illustrates a great lack of understanding of those people’s lives.

From the very few articles I've been able to find, the shooter from the Sandy Hook Elementary school had no official diagnosis of mental illness. I omit his name, because I want to avoid glorifying this man by such a dreadful act.

From Huffington Post's Dr. Harold Koplewicz's article posted 12/17:

"Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped extensive speculation that [he] had Asperger's disorder, or a personality disorder, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder. Much has been made of the reports that [he] was a smart but quiet kid who carried a briefcase to class instead of a backpack and felt at home with computers, perhaps more so than with his peers. By themselves these traits do not indicate any diagnosis at all, although we have been quick to dissect them in the search for meaning."

Let me make this abundantly clear, for someone to do what he did, one has to be unbalanced. Your understanding of reality and what is right and wrong have to, in some way, become detached. That break in reality has to be there to do such a terrible thing. But that kind of mental break is not my reason for posting.
To turn the blame away from the person themselves onto an entire community of people with chemical imbalances is staggeringly dangerous. Every morning, thousands of people wake, go throughout their days, work, study, and live productive lives. They experience joy and sadness and confusion and beauty and they work to maintain balance in their lives.

The shooter last week, according to quotes from those who knew him, showed little warning signs aside from social awkwardness. So could this have been detected or prevented? For the average mental health consumer, finding assistance when they need it is often difficult. Our psychologists, therapists and counselors are often overbooked. For a person in need, to see a mental health professional can take weeks. The best option for many who are without a therapist is to have themselves admitted into an inpatient clinic. And having the foresight to get help when it is desperate can be a challenge.

"The effects of stigma and discrimination are profound. The President’s New Freedom Commission on Mental Health found that, “Stigma leads others to avoid living, socializing, or working with, renting to, or employing people with mental disorders - especially severe disorders, such as schizophrenia. It leads to low self-esteem, isolation, and hopelessness. It deters the public from seeking and wanting to pay for care. Responding to stigma, people with mental health problems internalize public attitudes and become so embarrassed or ashamed that they often conceal symptoms and fail to seek treatment." (New Freedom Commission, 2003).

So then what can we do to help our friends and loved ones? We aren’t helpless.

Well first off, listening can be an invaluable gift to someone in need. Being there to listen and let someone vent or have a safe place to come and explain what they are going through can be the support they need to get through a tough patch, Also, being conscious of their needs, their moods and being able to communicate if you notice a change.

Additionally, education can empower you to inform yourself about mental illness, the signs and concerns to be mindful of to help avoid any tragedy. Many advocacy groups and websites offer classes and provide booklets to help explain mental illness in easy to understand format.
But most importantly, knowing what resources are available can save lives. Advocacy groups and support channels are out there, not only for the consumers of mental healthcare, but also for their support and family members.
www.nami.org – NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness has a great number of resources for individuals and their families.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - The website for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, the number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml - National Institute of Mental Illness
Facts about Mental Illness and Violence - http://depts.washington.edu/mhreport/facts_violence.php

Please be open to reaching out to people instead of fear. Open your arms and hearts, give support instead of anger and you could save the life of someone you love and who knows how many else.